In a business, employees often work closely with directors, managers and colleagues, creating a tight-knit, family-like atmosphere. While this closeness can foster collaboration and loyalty, it can also mask toxic behaviours, including gaslighting. Gaslighting is a subtle form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own perceptions, memories, or experiences. When this happens at work, it can damage your confidence, hinder your performance, and ultimately create a toxic environment.
What Does Gaslighting Look Like?
Gaslighting in smaller companies can feel more personal, as relationships are often close and interactions frequent. Unlike larger corporate environments, where you might be able to distance yourself from a toxic manager or department, in a small business, the dynamics can be more intense and difficult to escape.
Common Gaslighting Scenarios
The “We Never Had That Conversation” Scenario
Your manager asks you to take on a project or task. Later, when you’ve completed it or seek clarification, they deny ever giving you that direction. They might say you misunderstood or that you’re remembering it wrong.
Conversations often happen informally, making it easier for details to get lost. To protect yourself, follow up on any verbal instructions with a quick email summary. If you feel the need to document every meeting to ensure there’s a record of fact, this could be a sign you’re being gaslit.
Minimising Your Contributions
You work hard on a project, but your manager dismisses your input or gives credit to someone else. You might be told that your work was “no big deal,” even though you put in significant effort.
In small businesses, recognition can be informal, but if your work is consistently downplayed, it’s important to keep a record of your achievements. Documenting your contributions and sharing your success stories during evaluations or team meetings helps ensure your efforts are visible.
Blurring Roles and Responsibilities
In many small businesses, employees wear multiple hats, which can be exciting but also lead to confusion. A gaslighting manager may take advantage of this ambiguity by shifting expectations, changing goals without telling you, or claiming you should have known something wasn’t part of your job.
Ask for clear direction and expectations in writing whenever possible. While flexibility is often required in smaller businesses, boundaries still need to exist. If expectations keep shifting without communication, this could be a sign of manipulation.
Attributing Blame to You
When something goes wrong, even if it’s beyond your control or a team effort, your manager singles you out and blames you. This might happen even if the manager’s own instructions led to the issue.
Where resources are limited, managers may try to shift the blame onto employees to avoid responsibility. If this happens repeatedly, document the decisions that were made leading up to the issue. If you’re consistently being unfairly blamed, this is a key indicator of gaslighting behaviour.
Exclusion from Key Decisions
You notice you’re being left out of important meetings or decisions that directly impact your work. When you ask why, your manager tells you it wasn’t relevant or you’re overreacting.
Exclusion can feel isolating. If you’re being left out, ask for clear feedback on your role and how you can be more involved. If it continues without a reasonable explanation, this could be gaslighting.
Excessive Micromanagement or Public Criticism
Your manager constantly criticises your work in front of others, making you feel incompetent or unsure of your abilities. This can happen in team meetings or in passing conversations.
If the feedback isn’t constructive or appropriate, address it privately with your manager. If the behaviour doesn’t change, consider escalating the issue or seeking advice from HR, a director or an external advisor if no internal support exists.
Why Might a Manager Gaslight?
- Insecurity: Small business managers, especially those who founded the company, may feel insecure about their own position. When an employee excels or presents new ideas, a manager might gaslight to maintain control and avoid feeling overshadowed.
- Blurred Boundaries: In small businesses, the lines between personal and professional can blur. Managers who are too personally involved might gaslight employees to maintain a sense of authority, especially in a tight-knit team where relationships are informal.
- Mental Health Struggles: Some managers may be grappling with their own mental health issues, such as anxiety or memory lapses, and instead of acknowledging their struggles, they may use gaslighting to deflect attention from their own challenges. By denying conversations, shifting blame, or avoiding accountability, they protect their image while keeping control.
- Attributing Blame to Hide Mistakes: Managers may gaslight employees to deflect responsibility for their own mistakes. By blaming an employee for a misstep or failure, they maintain control and protect their position. When blame is unfairly attributed to you, it can make you doubt your performance, which is a key tactic in workplace gaslighting.
- Toxic Culture of Control: In businesses with a toxic culture, gaslighting may become a way for managers to keep employees “in line.” It can be a method of control in environments where there is little oversight or HR support.
In smaller businesses, it’s important to consider that while the manager’s behaviour might stem from personal struggles or insecurity, it still creates a harmful environment. Employees shouldn’t have to navigate the fallout of their manager’s unaddressed issues, and it’s crucial for leadership to address such problems transparently.
How to Respond to Gaslighting
- Document Conversations and Tasks. If you find yourself consistently needing to document conversations or meetings to ensure a clear record of what was said, this is a red flag. Keep thorough records of tasks, instructions, and feedback. Use emails to confirm tasks and expectations in writing to protect yourself.
- Seek Support/ Talk to trusted colleagues to compare your experiences. In small teams, it’s common for others to notice the same behaviours. Building solidarity with peers can help you validate your concerns and provide a clearer picture of what’s happening.
- Communicate Boundaries Clearly. In smaller businesses, it’s important to communicate directly and set clear boundaries with your manager. If you feel expectations are unclear or shifting without notice, ask for clarification in writing. This can help protect you from being manipulated.
- Escalate the Issue. In small businesses, HR departments may not always be present. If gaslighting becomes intolerable, and you feel unsupported, seek external advice from a business advisor or legal professional. In the absence of an internal HR department, this can help you navigate the situation with clarity.
- Assess Your Well-being. Gaslighting can take a serious toll on your mental health, particularly in a business where there’s little room to avoid the person involved. If you find the environment is toxic and your well-being is suffering, it may be time to consider leaving the company for a healthier environment.
Addressing Gaslighting as a Leader
If you’re in a leadership position within a small business, it’s critical to recognise and address gaslighting behaviour before it harms your team and business.
- Promote Transparency: In small businesses, transparency can sometimes be sacrificed for speed or convenience. Encourage open communication where employees feel safe discussing concerns without fear of retaliation.
- Encourage Clear Expectations: Ensure all employees have clarity on their roles, tasks, and feedback. Clear expectations reduce the chances of misunderstandings and manipulation.
- Foster a Healthy Culture: In small teams, culture is everything. Make sure you’re fostering an inclusive, supportive environment where all employees feel respected and valued. Address toxic behaviours swiftly to avoid long-term damage to the team’s morale.
Recognition and awareness is essential.
Recognising these signs and taking action—whether through documentation, seeking support, or escalating the issue—is critical. For small business leaders, creating a transparent, respectful, and healthy culture is essential to ensuring gaslighting behaviours don’t take root and erode the team’s trust and performance.